A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp.
When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?"
The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news.
The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.”
The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.”
“No, you have to take it,” says the blonde.
“I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”
Yo mama so fat, she leaves stretch marks in the tub.
Yo' Mama is like marijuana everyone does her, but no one admits it.
Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Sheila."
Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned.
"Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"What about the other ear and your hand?"
"I tried to call for an ambulance."
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up."
When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress."
The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up."
He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman?
A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.