Best jokes ever

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 65.94 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, wife, marriage
Three guys are on a plane, ones black, ones white, and ones Mexican. The pilot says: "there's to much weight you all need to throw something off the plane." The black guy throws his Jordan's and says: "we have to many of these in our country" The Mexican throws off his lawn mower and says: "we have to many of these in our country". The white guys throws the Mexican and says: "we have to many of these in our country"
Vote: has 65.94 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, airplane, mexican, white people
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Vote: has 65.94 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, work, winter, money, holiday
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
Vote: has 65.94 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Yo mama's so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said "Two trees to your left."
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous. When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense. "Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?" The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes. So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch. "Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, women, computer, life, money
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, animal, disgusting
What do you call a pool filled with Black People? Coco Puffs.
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, black people