Yo' mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked, "What's new?"
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."
Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Drunk guy gets pulled over.
Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him.
The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence."
So the drunk man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"
Vote:
Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?
Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
Vote:
My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".
"My wife drives like thunder."
"So fast?"
"No, every minute she strikes a tree."
A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "What will it be?"
The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"
Vote:
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.