George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground".
So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?"
The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".
George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer".
And Harry says "How can you tell?".
George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless".
That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry:
They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.
Windows, the world's first commercially successful virus!
An alcoholic walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry.
I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, stupid, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours.
Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:
FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Yo mama's so fat, she made weight watchers go blind.
Yo mamas so fat when she farted she caused global warming!
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Figs
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
Vote: