The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
A company once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but they soon realized it wouldn't work because Chuck Norris won't take shit from anyone.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when she walks the dog, they both use the same bush.
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
Life is like a box of chocolates: A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
Q: What's faster then a black guy running down the street with your TV? A: His brother behind him with the VCR.
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
How do you hide a nigger in a coal shed? Kick his teeth in.