"Does she have a boyfriend?" "Yes, a cute, strong and clever one." "What's the name?" "John, Michael and Bill."
A lady buys some new furniture at Ikea. She reads the instuctions and builds the wardrobe. As soon as it"s built she a bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces. The lady tries again and 5 minutes later another bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces. The lady is furious and calls Ikea. Ikea tell her that they will send a worker to build it. When the worker arrives he builds the wardrobe and says: "Ok, I"m going to my next client." To which the lady says: "NO! Wait! You"ll see, as soon as a bus comes by it will dismantle itself..." The man agrees to stay to wait for the bus. After a while the man says that he better get in the wardrobe to see where the problem is when the bus passes by, to which the lady agrees. 10 minutes later the husband arrives and say"s: "Ahh lovely honey you bought us a new wardrobe..." He opens it up and say"s: "SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" To which the worker replies: "I"m waiting for the bus!"
Chuck Norris can strike the same lightning twice.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car. The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."
Angry geek dad shouted to kid, "End of discussion; Semicolon;"
A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around. „What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by. The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."
Yoda used to be 6 feet tall till he tried that Force crap on Chuck Norris.
Yo mama so fat she don't take pictures, she takes posters.
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!