Best jokes ever

Flashlight A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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More jokes about: sex, time
Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second kid wished for some money. And the redneck asked for a wheel chair. Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family. The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."
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More jokes about: racist, kids, age, old people, political
An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night. ‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor. The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’
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More jokes about: sex
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
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More jokes about: men, sport
Chuck Norris doesn't use anti-virus. Viruses use anti-Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
The last thing that you see before you die, is Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big." He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big." Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right." But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
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More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, celebrity, health
Chuck Norris broke the world record for most punches in a minute with one roundhouse kick.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
There are 5 known levels of Super-Saiyan. Achieving the 6th level is known as "Going Chuck Norris."
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game