ChuckNorris.com. Don't go there. It's like the United States of Chuck Norris... No one has been there and lived to tell the tale.
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says "You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Some people can ride their bikes with no handle bars. But chuck norris can ride his handlebars with no bike.
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
Ali Baba said "Open sesame" to open the secret entrance to the treasure, but little did he know that saying "Open Chuck Norris" opens all doors.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
God created Adam, Adam saw Chuck Norris, Adam created tears.
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I’m almost out of typing paper.” “Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary. With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.