Best jokes ever

A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train." The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, travel, time
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: wine, kids, money
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, wife, religious, mean
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: work, graduation, men, time
An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear. The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out. After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...". The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, women, doctor
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
What is the ideal cockpit crew? A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, air force, airplane
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: ethnic, dog, black humor, food
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: coding, geek, IT
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action. Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it. The next year the Japanese team won by two miles. The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: technology, management, money, sport, time