When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad. It says he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can "make it rain in Southern California".
Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.
Not even Houdini can escape from Chuck Norris.
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
When Chuck Norris goes out to survive in the Wilderness, the Wilderness ends up trying to survive from him.
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Chuck Norris' snot rocket was used to take men to the moon.