Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan.
When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
Vote:
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
Vote:
Chuck Norris can hear pictures.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236.
It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Vote:
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool.
One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."
Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours?
A: Give her a piece of paper that has the words "Turn Over" on both sides.
A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today"
The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."