Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.
Chuck Norris knows what the secret crabby patty recipe is.
Chuck Norris puts ice cube trays in the cupboard, and he gets ice.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.
The world ends on December 21st, 2012. Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.
Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.
Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
How did the calf's final exam turn out? Grade A.