Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
Cow: "Why don't you shoo those flies?" Bull: "I ll let them go barefoot!"
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
"Knock Knock?" "Who's there?" "Europe." "Europe who?" "No you're a poo."
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat yours too.
Chuck Norris can do the splits in mid air,rotate his hips 360" so fast it lifts him off the ground thus making the Chuck Copter!
Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator. He walked away with a new set of luggage.
Yo' Mama is so skinny, her nipples touch.