What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.
Chuck Norris knows what the secret crabby patty recipe is.
Chuck Norris puts ice cube trays in the cupboard, and he gets ice.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.
The world ends on December 21st, 2012. Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.
Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.
Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
How did the calf's final exam turn out? Grade A.
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.” “But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.” But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. “Oh, he died,” the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.” “Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.” “Oh, what was it then?” “I think it was the spin cycle.”
Chuck Norris doesn't have to face the consequences, the consequences have to face Chuck Norris.