Chuck Norris can build a Water Dam... In the Sahara Desert.
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
Chuck Norris made the llama extinct. Never spit in his face.
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Once you pop, you just can't stop. Unless you're Chuck Norris.
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
If Chuck Norris were an Adam's Apple, he'd be in your throat right now.
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.