Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting. 
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!
The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.
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Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.
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Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
Q: How can you tell a black person is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
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Chuck Norris once played with Legos.
The result was The Great Pyramids.
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