Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
It was mealtime during a flight on Blonde Airlines.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?"
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through." He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that!
Shame on you!"
The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
Our body cells renew while asleep.
If only our wallets could do the same.
Yo mama is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside.
"We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off.
One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream."
"Okay, let's," said Toku.
Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye."
The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!"
So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it.
The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away.
He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye."
Now the bartender becomes really skeptical.
She says, "I just saw you walk in here you can't be blind!"
So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye.
The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.
Yo Mama so old...
She recalls When the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
A blonde complains to a brunette friend that her Internet is down.
The brunette friend offers to let the blonde check her e-mail at her house.
"That's OK," says the blonde.
"Why don't you check it and forward me what I got?"
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
A: Fiddler on the hoof.