Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?" Kangaroo: "I can't find my children" Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?" Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
People say "bless you" when you sneeze because Chuck Norris might catch your soul. It's a myth. Chuck Norris can take your soul whenever he wants.
What is a "successful hunting trip"? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better". So I installed LINUX.
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson. He brought the house down.
I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.
An English man, Irishman and a Scotch man are sitting in a pub full of people. The Englishman says, “The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free”. Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. The Scottish man says,”..yeah. That’s quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free.” Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. The Irish man says “Your two pubs are good, but they are not as good as the ones in Ireland. In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the back-room for a shag” The English says “WOW! Did that happen to you?” and the Irishman replies “No, but it happened to my sister.”
Chuck Norris can infect a mac with pc viruses.
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."