What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."
How I see math word problems: If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.
Yo mama so old she used a walker when Jesus was born.
A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye. “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said. He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”
I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards". I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt! So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes *Whack!* "Darn!", but a bad skydiver goes "Darn!" *WHACK!*
Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business. One of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "Sorry No, I just burped."
What do you call Black people running down a hill? Jail break.