Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg? Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Chuck Norris only created Russians so he can use them to take over TGI Fridays.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him. “Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going,” yells the midget. The blonde looks down and says, “I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.” The midget replies, “Not from where I'm standing.”
Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Yo momma's so fat... To her light food means under 4 Tons.