Best jokes ever

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
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More jokes about: blonde
How do you steal a Mexicans home? Hook it up to your truck and drive off.
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More jokes about: racist
Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
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More jokes about: life, prison, death
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus. "Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!" "No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
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More jokes about: sport
Yo momma is so poor she ran after a trash can truck with her shoping list.
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More jokes about: Yo mama, money
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
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More jokes about: lawyer, death
A small boy goes up to a man in the street and asks him if he’s lost £5. The man checks his pockets and says, ‘Well, yes. I think I have lost a £5 note. Have you found one?’ The boy replies, ‘No. I just wanted to see how many people had lost a £5 note today. You make 72.’
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More jokes about: money
Yo mama so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she plays like this New York, Chicago, New Orleans, L.A.
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More jokes about: Yo mama, fat
Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist? A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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More jokes about: life
*Me when I turn 18* Parents: Do this. Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
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More jokes about: kids