Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.
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Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer.
I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding.
The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.
"You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.
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Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!