Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes.....he just sends a blank tax form with his picture on it.
The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second. It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.
For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.
After Chuck Norris created Jazz he decided to do a bit of scat, today we refer to his song as the alphabet.
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized.
If Chuck Norris were a toy, you wouldn't play with him, he'll play with you.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
Chuck Norris does not understand any phrase that begins with "if at first you don't succeed."
Suicide committed Chuck Norris.