Best jokes ever

Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
Vote: has 83.17 % from 301 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, dad
Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut. Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
Vote: has 83.13 % from 220 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Vote: has 83.13 % from 186 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, bartender, animal
Yo mamma so ugly even Bob the Builder said, "We cant fix it."
Vote: has 83.13 % from 2979 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, insulting
A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand, every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak. The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you sitting here on this park bench crying?" The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."
Vote: has 83.11 % from 172 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£100 and it's yours."
Vote: has 83.09 % from 165 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, work, phone, computer
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
Vote: has 83.08 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, health, doctor, hospital, animal
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
Vote: has 83.08 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, work, dog, mother in law, death
What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
Vote: has 83.08 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, sex
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Vote: has 83.08 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, baby, animal