Q: Why don't witches wear underwear?
A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
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Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
Q: How do Asians get their name?
A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise.
Example: Dong Ching Lau.
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.
Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight.
So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat".
To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it.
Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?"
"Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response.
Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiot! Those are for my side of the roof!!"
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Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture.
And Won.
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