A watched pot boils instantly for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris hired his bodyguards, he figured he was paying to save someone.
Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
Kings buy Chuck Norris size beds.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Justin Bieber has Chuck Norris fever!
Total Recall was based off of an average day in the life of Chuck Norris.
One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom. "Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!" "I have two words for you -- LET GO!"
Chuck Norris doesn't teach his kicks. They speak for themselves.
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.