Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Q: How does a blonde part her hair?
A: By doing the splits.
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Q: Whats the height of desperation?
A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
Vote:
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
There was once a ship that wouldn't let chuck norris on board.
It is now known as titanic
Vote:
The city of Dallas wanted to name a major street Chuck Norris Boulevard but decided against it because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!
Vote:
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home.
When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"