Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness? Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy f*ck we can't fix that.''
Did you hear about the homosexual letter? Only came in male boxes.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid? A: An Easy-Bake Oven.
George meets a genie in the street, which tells him to make a wish and it will make it true. "I want to pee whiskey," he says. “But are you sure? You can ask for money, wealth, anything you want." "No I want to pee whiskey." The genie thinks what can it do, it makes his wish true. George goes home, calls his wife, Sue: "Woman, get nuts and two glasses." Curious she was, she brings them. "What do you want them? She asks him. Once we don’t have any drinks." From now on, we will both have as much whiskey as we want, says to her. And really he fills the two glasses with whiskey. They clink, drink one, drink two drinks, make some fun … and play a little game. The other night the same happen. "Woman, bring two glasses and nuts." So they spend their evenings. One night, however, the scene changed. "Woman, bring nuts and a cup." "A, for one?" "You will drink from the bottle today."