Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: "Do you know where your going?"
Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird??
She threw it off a cliff.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
Sign seen in a bar:
"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!