Chuck Norris does not need deodorant because sweat instantly runs away.
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Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
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Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
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Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista, and it has never crashed.
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Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
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A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie."
Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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Yo mama so fat, the only way scientists found out about space because you could see her from Earth.
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle.
"I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk.
The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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First man: "I follow the medical profession."
Second man: "Are you a doctor?"
First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."