Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”
When Chuck Norris pours a bowl of Rice Krispies, they shut the hell up!
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.
What's a moo hoo for a darling bull? A dear steer.
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull.
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper? Warren.
What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits? Wheelburrows.
What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare.