Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis? A:Telling your parents that your gay!
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel. As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything." The girl only nodded and smiled. As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.
I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.
What's grosser than gross? Ten babies in one mail box. What's grosser than that? One baby in ten mailboxes. What's grosser than that? Biting into a pickle and finding a vein. What's grosser than that? A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor. What's grosser than that? A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.
Why don't blondes like to breastfeed their babies? It hurts to boil their nipples!
How do Chinese people name their kids? Throw a spoon down the stairs. CHING CHANG CHONG TING.
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
How do you steal a Mexicans home? Hook it up to your truck and drive off.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.