In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’ ‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours? A hermit crab.
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit? A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."
"Let bygones be bygones" is always subject to Chuck Norris' approval.
Chuck Norris' beard has a tattoo.
Chuck Norris logged on MSN through the display of washing machines.