Best jokes ever

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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has 82.89 % from 335 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
Based on statistics, the most used s*xual position among married couples is doggy style... The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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has 82.89 % from 393 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?" Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"
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has 82.89 % from 672 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
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has 82.88 % from 412 votes. More jokes about: death, food, marriage, women
My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower." "No, just your daughter's head," I replied.
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has 82.87 % from 463 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no.
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has 82.87 % from 302 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man is working a a d*ldo store, when a brunette walks in. She asks him how much for the black d*ldo? He replies $50 for the black one, $50 for the white one. She leaves without purchasing anything. A red head walks in and asks him how much for the white d*ldo? He replies $50 for the white one, $50 for the black one. she doesn't buy anything. A blonde enters the store and asks him how much for a d*ldo? He answers $50 for a black one, $50 for a white one. She asks how much for the plaid one on the shelf behind him? He says oh thats a very special one, thats $250. She buys it. At closing, the manager walk in and asks the man how much he sold. The man said no d*ldos but i sold your thermos for $250.
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has 82.87 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First bl*wjob!" The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me." The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"
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has 82.87 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
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has 82.86 % from 1174 votes. More jokes about: school, student
Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose. Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it? Teacher: Technically. Yes. Student: But it doesn't even taste like that... Teacher: what? Student: what?
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has 82.86 % from 1260 votes. More jokes about: dirty, student, teacher
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