Why are women like parking spaces? Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.
Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge? A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.
Dear Maths, Please grow up now and solve you problems yourself.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
Wonder Woman's magic Lasso is actually one of Chuck Norris' chest hairs.