Best jokes ever

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.
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has 56.57 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
Once Chuck Norris attempted to punch through a brick wall, but the brick wall crumbled in fear.
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has 56.57 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
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has 56.57 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: health, little Johnny, school
Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
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has 56.57 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, marriage, women
Which branch of the military do babies join? The infantry!
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has 56.57 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: baby, military
A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes. As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down, it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"
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has 56.56 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"
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has 56.55 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: flirt, marriage, old people, single
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
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has 56.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, phone, Yo mama
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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has 56.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college. Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too. Mother: Yes you do. Peter: Give me a good reason Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!
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has 56.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: age, college, school
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