My insurance policy says: "Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Chuck Norris got added by facebook itself.
Chuck Norris cut his scissors using his hair.
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Do you know why God is called "God"? Because "Chuck Norris" is already taken.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she strips at Chuck E. Cheese for tokens.
Yo Mama so old... When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?" Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"