An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it.
Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I'll grant you three wishes, Master."
The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you."
The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him.
The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this."
The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies.
"What about your third wish?" asks the genie.
"Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars."
The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens.
"What's wrong?" asks the atheist.
The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn't necessarily mean that I really exist."
Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?"
A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?"
"No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"
At the gym:
Me: "What does this machine do?"
"Sir, that's a bench."
Me: "Perfect."
What did the black kid get for Christmas?
YOUR BIKE!
Vote:
What do a tornado and a black person have in common?
It only takes one to ruin a good neighborhood.
A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
Q: Why do Soviet soldiers always miss?
A: They have terrible Marxmanship.
Vote:
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
Vote:
I got 99 problems and being upside down ain't one.
Ok wait I got 66 problems.
What concert costs only 45 cents?
50cent featuring Nickelback.