Q: "What do you call a Muslim shrink? A: A terrorpist."
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer. “I’m going to a lecture.” the man said. “And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked. “My wife.” said the man.
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"
Sthi Bash is sitting in a bar drinking some alcohol. After some couple of drinks he tries to stand up and he falls. He crawls to the door of the bar and tries to stand up and he falls again, he crawls until he reaches the door in his house and he tries to stand but then for the third time he falls again. He then decides to knock on the door while he is on the ground. His wife opens the door and surprised she asks him, "Where the hell did you leave your wheelchair?"
Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
Bill and Earl are out playing golf. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing. Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"
I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. Its not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her ...
Yo mama so poor the i saw her rolling a can and said what are you doing she said moving!
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."