These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool) They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest. They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"! After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts - "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!" The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass, but you better start to "brace yourself!"
You've heard that Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice, right? Well he's currently making his third attempt.
What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
A group of children once said, "Red rover, red rover, send Chuck Norris over." Those children were the dinosaurs.
Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
Q: Where do cowboys cook their meals? A: On the range.
Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarrhea so he thought he was melting
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove? About a half an hour...
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.