What do cows do when they re introduced? They give each other a milk shake.
Chuck Norris flew boats in the Vietnam War.
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy only sees the other side of her every 4 years.
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
What's a skunk's favourite game in school? Show and smell.
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.
Chuck Norris can shoot around a corner.
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.