A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend.
We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
Sunday night, he returns.
His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop?
A: To let the lumber jack off.
One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
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Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps?
A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
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Little Johnny asks his mum, "Mum, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time in a faraway land'?"
"No darling," says his mother, somewhat distressed, "Sometimes, they can begin with 'I've got too much work in the office tonight, I'll come home later'."
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Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
A: Kitty-hawk
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
What do dogs and women have in common?
They both like 12-inch bones.
The judge asks the murderer:
Why did you kill that old lady?
For money..
But you got only 20 cents
Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
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A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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