Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
Yo mama's so fat, she walked across the dance-floor...and the band skipped!
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she rubs her legs together, I smell bacon.
A patient to his friend: "I am taking rest cure." Friend: "What do you do?" Patient: "I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor."
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
When you sneeze, it means someone is thinking badly of you. When you have a seizure and pass out, it means Chuck Norris is thinking badly