Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Three guys are stuck on a deserted island when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pop out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF!He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island and wishes to go home. POOF!He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is."Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"
Vote:
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends.
He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped."
A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape.
When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
Vote:
Q: What did the constipated mathematician do?
A: He worked it out with a pencil!
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.
At work, a blonde notices her that cubicle mate has a thermos.
She asks him what it's for, and he responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
The blonde immediately buys one.
The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her cube mate asks, "What do you have in it?"
The blonde says, "Soup and ice cream."
Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
Vote:
I got stopped by a police officer on the way here.
He told me it was illegal to carry these guns in public.
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Vote: