Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another. The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?" The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."
Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming poeple thinks shes and oil spill.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other: "Man, it's hot in here!" The other one says: "Ah! A talking muffin!"