# Best jokes ever

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Vote: has 82.36 % from 412 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, work, math, teacher
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
Vote: has 82.35 % from 274 votes. Send joke:

Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?
Vote: has 82.35 % from 293 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
Vote: has 82.33 % from 280 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, divorce, lawyer
Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? Student: You are pretty. Teacher: What’s the direct object? Student: A good report card.
Vote: has 82.33 % from 374 votes. Send joke:

Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.
Vote: has 82.33 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

Vote: has 82.32 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, internet, money
Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
Vote: has 82.31 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: redneck, death, black humor
There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil. The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth. So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed. 1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth. Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth. Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"
Vote: has 82.31 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, weed, alcohol, time, vulgar
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
Vote: has 82.31 % from 1047 votes. Send joke: