Best jokes ever

Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis? Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
Vote: has 57.35 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
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More jokes about: life
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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More jokes about: dirty, women, husband, christian, animal
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
Vote: has 57.31 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

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Me - Can you go to your moms room? Friend - Yeah, why? Me - I left my pants in there. Friend - Fuck you!
Vote: has 57.27 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Vote: has 57.23 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, sex
Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
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A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’
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More jokes about: sex
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. "What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Vote: has 57.21 % from 267 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, Valentines day, romantic
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just Juan.
Vote: has 57.18 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist