Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions? A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris? His foot.
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
Man: Hello, my computer is reporting a fatal error! Customer Support: Well there's nothing we can do now, you should have called us when it was still critical!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself? A: Because nobody understood him.
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt!
Q:Why do they never serve beer at a math party? A:Because you can't drink and derive...
Only 3 things that are infinite 1.Human Stupidity 2.Universe 3.WinRar Trial