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A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
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More jokes about: animal, weed, alcohol
Yo mama is so skinny... she hula hoops with a cheerio.
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Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"
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Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
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Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
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More jokes about: sex, kids, time, single
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
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Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions." Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
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More jokes about: life
What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs.
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More jokes about: disgusting, food