Chuck Norris can change the tire on a car while it's still moving.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
Yo mama is so fat she has to write an apology letter to Japan.
Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!
Ones the bus was full of people. A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late. The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunk got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in. The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "Just go on and take me to jail..... there's no way in the world that I can pass that test.
Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.