A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each morning teaching a new word to her class. She would tell the class the word and its meaning, then ask them to come up with a few sentences that included the word for the day. One day, the teacher said that the word for the day was "frugal." She explained that frugal had to do with saving, and a frugal person is one who saves. She then asked the class to come up with a sentence for the word. The class seemed kind of stumped, and sat there in silence for a few seconds until one little girl raised her hand. Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a little story: "There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall tower. There was a spell on all of the doors, so she couldn’t get out. One day, she heard a young prince who was walking by and singing. The princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me! Frugal me!' So, the prince frugaled her and they lived happily ever after."
Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.
Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel so well. Father: Where does it hurt? Son: In school.
Q: What did Data find when he went into the bathroom stall? A: Captain's log.
Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? A: Because when their balls fall over their a**holes, they vapor-lock.
If I won the Lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
A white guy goes into a bar and sees a black bartender. He says, "yo, nigger, get me a beer!" The bartender says, "that's very rude. How would you like it if I talked to you like that?" The white guy says, "let's switch places and see!" So they switch places. The bartender says, " yo, cracka, get me a beer!" The white guy says, "sorry, we don't serve niggers here!"
A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.