Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
The entire movie of "Anaconda" was recorded inside Chuck Norris' pants.
A man fell out of a tenth-story window. He's lying on the ground with a big crowd around him. A cop walks over and says, "What happened?" The guy says, "I don't know, I just got here."
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yea right. Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
Chuck Norris made Dirty Harry's day.
"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?" "No..." "Inheritance."
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.