Best jokes ever

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him. The guy asks, "What's in the box?" The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad." The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?" The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later. "That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me." The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door. "Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands. "South American Blow Job Toad." "So?" asks the wife. "So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’ Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
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has 54.26 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
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has 54.25 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was recently hospitalize, because Chuck Norris poked him.
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has 54.21 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Facebook
Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.
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has 54.20 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Yo mama
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
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has 54.18 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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