Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him… Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly. He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?" The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"
Why do blondes like blonde jokes? 'Cause they make them feel famous!
There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day. They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs. Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one. They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him. They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do. So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing. They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do. Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"
She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.
Black magic... It doesn't work.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris